The Holier then now Bullshit Questions are nothing more then Opinions that matter little when the Obvious Truth is written in Black & White!

They still ask me if she (Steph) still gets to me?
I reply; If you only knew...but if you must know,...Yes, she still does. Its Been about 1 1/2 yrs now going on about 2 yrs & by all means she still runs through my mind & heart. I don't know what to do, I can't stand that holier then now bullshit feeling I get, but I'm more infatuated with her still, or is it love that I still hold for her? I mean look at it from my point of view; she won my heart , made me laugh, made me care, cry, & made me truly love for the first time.
I, at times have found myself pondering which feeling is it that I truly have for her still, but not even I can answer that, or can I!?

360 degrees of Rotating Infatuation & Love. Which is Real & True & which is Not!?

Caught between 2 worlds of friends, I feel so torn apart & I don't know what to say or do.

Ever since Sr. High & Jr. High & as far back as I can remember I have always had 4 guys that I have looked to & counted on. But latly I have felt so torn apart from them or out/side casted from them. I have met new friends & new people, but they don't really mix w/my old friends. As much as I try to befriend both sides & make them all happy, its like I get the shitty end of the deal. Like I fail one side while I please the other.
I at times just wish I could & would just be left alone. Rather then to have to pick or make either side happy or sad.

My life has never been easy, but then my life has never been a normal one to begin w/either. I'm just full of complex matters.

As TIME waits for no-one, it may slow down, even come to a complete stop for a prolonged tortures climax of extended pain for the wanting & the lose!

Today is the 13th of June & at exactly 9:09 pm is/was the last day that I get the privaledge of any child to live under the same roof with both my parents. I know that the time was exactly 9:09 cuz I kept starring at the red numbers on the clock that was right infront of me. I kept staring at the numbers as they became seconds & minutes & they just seemed to keep going on w/o stopping for anything/anyone. After a while it seemed to take longer & longer for the numbers to change from one to another. As I glanced away for what seemed to be a second, it looked like time was speeding up to the eventful moment of my ever lasting tragedy that would for ever rerun in my memories.
As my father approached me his shadow covered me & I grew cold, sad, numb & lifeless. I stood up to face him & give him a hug, I came to realize that time had slowed down, even stopped as to prolong my suffering, my pain. I glanced at the clock & saw 9:08 & 9:09 & then 9:10; it was almost as if the clock/time had just decided to jump up the time...speed up the good bye as to get it over & done with. My Father was then gone from my hands & arms, I stood there watching him leave, wordless/speechless, knowing that I would no longer say good morning dad, but that I would live on watching an empty space in the house as I wait for him to visite or for a call.

My Never Ending Tortures Climax of Extended Pains, Wantings & Loses.

It's da 1st of June....Happy F@#$ing Birthday to Me!

Once a year your b-day comes. It's in that/this day that you're reborn, a day wiser, older, & that you realize that time is passing by.
Lots of my friends have told me that your 23rd b-day/year is the best year of your life. So what happened to 18 or 21!? I look back at them & say, " You must be Joking right!?" or as in this famous phrase, " Are you kiding me right NOW!? ". Today is my b-day & it's not a good day. My Parents are getting a divorce, I lost my car in Des Moines, had to move home because of all this drama & I am more depressed then ever.
But this is to be my best YEAR Ever!? Please tell me something that might be true & I haven't heard. What a waste!! :P